My Dear Alexander

When you read my letter, I might have been on the other side of the world. I am so sorry to leave you like this. If there is any other approach that I can take to resolve the issue to keep me by your side, I would do anything to find it. But after a deep thought of the whole issue, I figure out me dying in the battlefield might be the best for us, and for the nation to be born.

This morning my fellow soldier has brought me a letter from General Washington, inquiring about the affair between us. As you may have guessed, General Lee’s behind the scenes. He’s gathered some witnesses and sent General Washington a letter signed by all the witnesses confirming the affair between us. You should have let me shoot him in the mouth in that duel. Evil men are never gonna change and aiming towards the sky never solves a real problem. My dear boy, promise me whether it be on the dueling ground or battlefield, you will stay alive and never throw away your shots again!

The letter I received from General Washington is both caring and harsh. He’s always been a father to us since we started working on the same staff, but he is also the chief-in-command of the army and the new nation. He has to account for the army and execute the laws and commands, otherwise he would lose the command to Thomas Conway and Charles Lee and the battle should fail, which is the last thing both of us want to see. And as we always know, according to the laws men shall be hung for their love affair with each other.

I wish I could fly to Philadelphia and join you by the side, for words cannot express my love for you, Alexander. And yet words are the only thing I can leave for you now. My love for you will be soon gone with me, and you shall bear with you my wishes for the future. You shall stay alive till the end of the war, for a newborn nation needs a leader like you. You shall speak and write against slavery like we used to do, for a nation can never be built upon the notion that one race is superior to another. You shall stay loyal to Eliza, for she with elegance and candor is the woman destined to stay by your side and the woman to help you through any difficulty you may encounter in your life. Stay low about our relationship. Maybe hundreds of years later, love between men will be recognized as holy and pure as love between women and men. Simply love itself is the most beautiful thing in the world, and no chains shall be put on to lock it and throttle it.

I shall prepare for the battle tomorrow. I will charge where the enemy is at its strongest and die where the battle is at its fiercest. If I die, General Lee will hold nothing against you, for I am already a body without words, and General Washington shall dismiss the case because a dead body cannot be charged and judged. Most importantly, you, my dearest Alexander, will remain safe and well reputed. Please do not question my decision, for you know if I come back alive, we shall both be judged and hung. But you do not have to and should not die with me, for you have exhibited your talent in governing and it is your responsibility to make our nation better.

Night is falling. Light is awaiting. Adieu.

Yours Forever, John Laurens